Changing Waves
“You are transitioning from a time of being weathered and beaten by the waves of life to a time of riding on them. I am removing survival from you and replacing it with revival- rebuilding of life and restoration of inheritance. Your voice will no longer be drowned out by the roaring and rushing of your circumstances, instead it will be carried and amplified by their agreement.”
One of my dear friends heard Father God speak words at church several weeks ago. The words cut through my heart. My heart that has been both broken and hardened over the last year. My heart that has felt bruised and used. My heart that lost it’s voice, especially in the last months.
It’s not that I haven’t been writing, I have. It’s that the words and the stories are too vulnerable for the world to see right now. In this sense it feels like my voice has been stolen. It’s too much emotion not to write about, yet when I do the words still stay trapped on the screen in front of me. On December 19, I wrote in my journal that 2017 would be a year of dreams fulfilled. It has seemed like a cruel joke. The website that I was so excited to launch remains untouched. My trip to Iceland didn’t work out. My family dynamics have changed. My job went through yet another transition. All these dreams, and none of them worked out the way I wanted them to.
The disappointment feels really heavy. When I focus on disappointment I am overwhelmed with feelings of both inadequacy and self entitlement. Entitlement leads me to self pity, self pity hardens my heart even further. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life,” Proverbs 13:12. I hear the truth of this verse every time I hear a musician’s story. I understand the truth of this verse when I minister to a young adult who has confidence they are destined for more then waiting tables. I see the truth of this verse on the faces of singles at their young friend’s wedding. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. What if instead of living with a sick heart, we change what we hope in.
I have learned that my hope rests in Father God alone. When I hope for His presence I am never disappointed. When I hope for His voice my hope grows. When I hope for His refreshmentI am comforted. There are so many things that I hope for, but these will be the ones I earnestly long for. Circumstances of life will come and go, but I stand secure on His promises.
This is a new beginning, a fresh start. The tide has turned and the waves have changed. 2017 is still a year of dreams fulfilled. It is still a year of hope, of writing, of ministry, of travel and of restoration. More than that, it is a year of being a daughter of the King, reflecting on the love of her Dad.