Falling into Fall

In the last week or so we have had a cold front hit Nashville.  Just a little teaser of fall, just a little sweater wearing, fire building, hammock swinging week.   I have come to love fall and everything it holds.  

Here in Tennessee, slowly but steadily, the mountains turn beautiful shades of burnt orange, fire red, and golden yellow.  It's breath taking, and yet, these leaves are dying.  Dying, what a beautiful process.  While one dying leaf falling to the ground might catch your eye, a whole mountainside is breathtaking.  

I can't help but think of the last months of my life.  It certainly has been a dying process.  Dying to my ideas of what success looks like, dying to my ideas of what provision will looking like, dying to my need to be in control.  John records Jesus' words, "Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." Jesus was prophesying his imminent death, but I think it speaks into our lives as well.  When I lay myself on heaven's alter there is nothing hindering me from a heavenly work in my life.  

A couple of months ago I decided to go back to ministry school. I clearly heard Father God tell me that He wanted to provide my tuition for me.  In my mind that looked like fundraising letters, facebook posts and babysitting gigs. Yet these things provided no fruit.  Overtime I went to God and asked why He just told me that He wanted to provide for me.  It was a very painful, slow process of surrendering my idea of provision. One Wednesday afternoon I found myself folded over a chair sobbing.  I kept saying, "I am done. I can't handle this anymore."  It didn't feel like a prayer, it felt like a breakdown.  In retrospect I see exactly that Father took that, as a surrender.  I know because the next day, in one unexpected moment, Father took care of everything.  I got a phone call from some friends and found out that my tuition was totally covered.  Nothing I did aided in the process, it was a pure gift from Father God through my community. It was a beautiful moment that came through the process of dying to myself.  

What if we lived out lives in a continual commitment to hop back on the alter and die to ourselves so Father God can show up and show off?  Of course, that won't always look like sitting back and letting Him do all of the hard work.  Sometimes it looks like partnering with Him to do some pretty difficult things.  Yet, how beautiful would that life look?  What a pleasing aroma to Father that would be! 

Let's take that one step further.  What would it look like to be in an entire community that is allowing God to work on their hearts? What would it look like to foster something like that?  I believe that these God moments are contagious, and your testimony of life from death will lead others to trust God in the same way.  Just as Jesus explained, when one seed dies, other seeds can have life.  

I wonder if the dream you are waiting on is just on the other side of dying to yourself.