Femininity in a Feminist Culture

I had been working on giving up unhealthy coping mechanisms for years, but I had all the best on standby. Pizza was in the oven, ice-cream in the freezer, and DVDs sat waiting on my table. I of course had the healthy processing tools too…but I wasn’t sure how I would respond. How he would respond. 

Hoping he wouldn’t hear the shaking in my voice I squeaked, “I think you should ask me out.” I was going for the sexy confident thing, but pretty sure I hit smack in the middle of the awkward zone. I told a few close friends and my family what happened. I got a lot of “You go girl,” and a couple of horrified, “You need to let him be a leader, back off.” I wasn’t sure if my phone call was correct, proper, or attractive. I just knew that I had prayed, I had fasted, and this seemed like the only option.  

A couple days later he did call and ask me on a date. 

He wasn’t turned off by directness, he appreciated it. 

Which got me thinking more about the phrase Papa God had whispered to me while I was waiting to hear back from him, “In a culture of feminism be feminine.” These words have been turning around in my spirit for a couple of months now. It has sent me to my favorite books, blogs, and communication tools. It seems like my generation in particular has landed in one of two extremes. 

My feed is full of women empowered by the feminist movement. The feminist movement is marked by women who are brash, who use their words to cut down men. Honestly, many in the feminist movement are more about female dominance than equality. I thought maybe I was being a little too hard on this demographic so I thought I would take a peek at Urban Dictionary. I was shocked at what I found.  One man explained feminism as the reason he can’t win when in a disagreement with his girlfriend.  Another defined feminism as, “The radical notion that men are not people.” I cannot hold to this definition of femininity. It is surrounded anger and walls. It’s punishing another for what they are not. The feminist movement is sacred ground to many. Yet, I think there is a movement that has been going on much longer that actually does a better job at empowering women. 

I grew up on the other side of the spectrum. In fact, when people first started encouraging me to go into ministry, I told them I didn’t think women should be in leadership in the church. I didn’t just count other women out, I counted myself out. Even though it was what my heart longed for. Even though I could feel the call on my life. Even though I never heard a message on it that could convince my heart. There is a reason for that. I was, and am, called to ministry. There are people who believe that women should not be in leadership in the church, or in public office. However, if their reasoning is scripture, there reasoning is faulty. Even in the Gospels and Acts we read about women who were influential business and church leaders.

 Let’s take a look at the Church’s favorite couple: Ruth and Boaz. I remember sitting at my seat at Calvin college hearing a sermon on waiting for my Boaz. I even wrote it on a flash card and tapped it to my headboard. A little reminder that someone would come and sweep me off my feet. It would be like a fairy tale. I sang Footloose for the rest of the week, “He’s gotta be strong, and he’s gotta be fast, and he’s gotta be fresh from the fight…it’s gotta be soon and he’s gotta be larger than life.” 

WAIT. REWIND. 

That is not the story of Ruth and Boaz, that is the version that the church has made it! 

 Ruth in complete vulnerability went to Boaz. After he got passed out drunk, she tucked her naked body underneath the blanket.  Now, I am not advocating that women need to be manipulating their men into relationships. However, I do think there is something here. Ruth’s vulnerability and confidence moved Boaz to action. What allowed Ruth to show such confidence? She knew that Boaz was a man of character, he was a leader in the community, he was a provider. I wonder if we were to show that same level of confidence and vulnerability if we would inspire our world to action too. 

What if that is what true femininity is? Confidence in who we are created to be and the vulnerability to be that. That is a feminist movement I can get behind, one that doesn’t tear down, but shows the world how to live whole heartedly.