Great is Thy Faithfulness

I am sitting on my favorite bench overlooking Lake Michigan. It’s my favorite bench for a reason.  For the four years that I lived here I would come to this beach, to this bench, to process. It’s where I processed my parent’s first separation, my first big heartbreak, questions about my future and uncertainty of my destiny. Today I came back and did all those things. 

I looked over the landing and recalled memories. Memories of climbing up the lifeguard stand. Memories of when God first shared with me how waves would be a forever reminder of His faithfulness. Memories of a first fight, and the forgiveness that followed. Memories of beach parties when my heart knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be in that moment. Memories of pain, and memories of celebration. 

The thing is that the place where all those memories happened has been washed away by erosion. They have disappeared under the water. Tears started coming down my face as I thought about how that is exactly what my heart is feeling. It feels like years and memories are being covered up and displaced from me. I am battling to know where to fit this part of my story. I feel the tension between what was and what’s to come. 

Trying to limit the tears I focused in on the water. The waves above it and the sand underneath. The waves. Then I hear Him say, “Your memories are there, covered, even drowning in my faithfulness.” 

In moments (okay weeks) of disappointment it’s so easy to think of everything I am missing. I paint the past with a rose-colored brush. However, glorifying the past doesn’t help me process the past, prepare for the future, or live in the present. 

Only knowing that my life is marked with His faithfulness is what answers those questions. 

Even on the messy days. 

Especially, on the messy days. 

Great is Thy faithfulness.

O God my Father.

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changeset not 

Thy compassions they fail not.

As thou has been

Thou forever will be.

Great is Thy faithfulness,

Great is Thy faithfulness,

Morning by morning new mercies I see.

And all I have needed thy hand hath provided.

Great is Thy faithfulness,

Lord unto me.

Pardon for sin and peace that endureth,

Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow.

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!