To be Known
I love gifts. I know it is not PC to say in some cultures – but I love them. I love the surprise, the thoughtfulness and the sacrifice behind each one. When someone gives me a gift that I need or deeply love, one of the greatest compliments I can give them is, “I feel so known.”
There is a poem that came out several years ago called “Known and Loved.” Every time I listen to it retell the story of the woman at the well, I am captivated.
In one glance Jesus saw this woman. He did not cause her shame, but he saw her. All of her. Her pain and her struggle and the things that caused others to reject her. Yet Jesus did not run away. He loved her.
We all long to be known. To be understood. Despite our fears. Despite our shame. We want to be loved and known unconditionally. We can only find this perfectly in knowing our Creator.
Yet, as representatives of the things of God, one of the greatest gifts we can give someone is allowing them to feel known. If only for a moment, that they can feel completely seen and celebrated for who they are.
As a leader, I want to communicate to those I lead in a way that is not only effective but allows them to feel known.
As a consultant, I want the tools that allow the people I sit with to know that they are being heard. That their joys and pains are known to me and that I am cheering for them.
As a friend, I want those I do life with to feel celebrated for the deepest parts of them.
While Jesus is the only one who can fully understand each human heart, I want to be like my Savior in the ways that I can.
THREE TRUTHS TO KNOWING AND LOVING OTHERS
I have learned that knowing and being able to celebrate others takes knowing and being able to celebrate myself. If I do not know my own distress, filters and needs then I will remain unaware on how my narrative is impacting how I know someone else. I am able to use my strengths to connect with someone else, and when I need to operate in a way that isn’t as easy for me, I can explain that I need some support.
Knowing takes listening. Knowing someone isn’t as simple as taking a profile or quiz online. That’s part of the reason I use Life Languages™ in my consulting work. We all speak all seven Languages™, it is just figuring what one someone is speaking in that moment. If my need is to have connection and you are trying to make a plan, I am going to feel very misunderstood. Tools are helpful, but only when we make a habit of listening.
Questions are better than stories. Culture teaches us that to sync with someone we need to respond to their story with our story. Your car just broke down? Let me tell you about a time that my car broke down. However, if our goal is to make someone else feel known it is much more helpful to ask questions. Our questions display care, and with the additional information we can hopefully discover how to support someone. Even better, we can ask what they might need from us.
Making others feel known and loved is a skill that takes time to develop. One that everyone can learn to do. If you would like to take an intentional step forward, I encourage you to attend a workshop or schedule a consultation with me!