Celebrating Before Breakthrough
Perhaps I have saved the most difficult topic to write about last.
I already feel the turning of my stomach that comes with emotionally charged memories. These stories have been playing on the screen of my mind since picking up my computer. Disappointment as we have discussed, can cause us to become bitter. Bitterness builds walls between those who have what we want. Even if we care about them and truly want all the glorious things for them. In my past, I have let the bitterness steal from me being able to celebrate others.
I have had my share of, “Not fair” moments. (By moments I do mean hours, days, months and years.) I have spent them sulking corners and crying into pillows. There are so many stories I could tell. Like about the one time I managed to snag a date to a wedding, only to have him meet another girl. They danced the night away and got married a year later. Three times the man I was hoping would ask me out asked out my best friend. Two of those couples got married and I even stood up for one of them.
Growing in celebration for my friends was not something that happened overnight. The first step was admitting that I was having a hard time. Pain is pain. Emotions* are real, and they are important to process. Without acknowledging emotions we can not process them.
The second step that I was able to take towards truly celebrating others came from my young adult pastor. No exaggeration, my life changed when I learned the phrase, “More for them, and me too Jesus!”
When I declare this, I am celebrating my friends. More than that, I am agreeing with abundance for them. I have used this phrase when I have had friends who got amazing jobs, were given amazing gifts, or even had a breakthrough that I am hoping for. Someone else’s blessing doesn’t steal ours. The idea that it would is classic orphan thinking.
Orphans don’t have good fathers. Jack Frost describes orphan-hood like this, “An orphan feels he has no place of affirmation, protection, comfort, belonging or affirmation…he has to strive, achieve, compete and earn everything he gets in life.” An orphan can’t celebrate their friends because they are unsure of how it will impact their protection, comfort or belonging. An orphan feels lonely and the need to self protect when confronted with jealousy. I know, because I have been there.
As Christians we have a good Father. He is good, loving, kind, he wants to connect to us. We don’t need to fear that one of our siblings are getting a good gift, because it is his heart to give us good gifts as well.
By saying, “Me too Jesus,” we are partnering our expectation that we can have the same thing. It increases our hope instead of stealing our peace. It becomes a prayer that validates our heart and reminds us of our sonship.
It has been a long time since I have been jealous of someone else’s happiness. However, I have recently been confronted with how well I have celebrated my friends. I don’t think this is completely due to jealousy or bitterness. I think I actually still learning how to celebrate. I can’t cover the topic of celebration in this blogpost, it really is its own book. That being said, I did want to include a couple of ideas on how you can celebrate your friends well. These ideas are specific for relationships, but I am sure they can be modified to fit other celebrations of life!
So, step three? Celebrate!
They got asked out on a date:
Create a playlist for them to get ready to. Have fun choosing songs that will make them laugh, dance and feel super confident as they head into their big date.
Send them an encouraging text of who you see them to be.
Ask them questions: What are you attracted to in them? How did you feel? What are you excited about? What do you look forward to about your date (or next date?)
They are engaged:
Take the newly engaged couple out to dinner or for dessert. You can be friends with both of them and you don’t even need a plus one!
Attend parties and participate in parties…even if the games are not your favorite or if you don’t know anyone. The more you let loose the more fun everyone will have.
Offer to help, the more specific you can be the better. Some suggestions include addressing envelopes, running errands, DIY nights and so on.
There are wedding bells happening:
Write a note honoring both of them in how they have navigated their relationship.
Be the first on the dance floor or in line to catch the bouquet/guarder. I know, to you it may just be another bouquet toss, but it is their only one.
Meet people. I know, it’s intimidating. However, I know more than one bride and groom who were concerned about having everyone together in one room. Celebrate with them by getting to know people from other parts of their life. They will feel so loved!
*Read more aboutEmotions on a blog I wrote for 1835.