More in Common

Much of my singleness journey been a life journey, but because I let singleness define me for so long, I labeled these singleness problems.

In America, we have been told that we deserve to have things our way. Our meal should be catered to us, our cars should be customized, our dreams must look like our definition of success. When we don’t see our dreams come out our way it is easy to become disappointed. Disappointment is a natural piece of life. The goal is NOT to never feel disappointed again, but too process disappointment in a healthy way. Unchecked, disappointment has the possibility to lead to bitterness or jealousy.* Bitterness and jealousy build walls between us and those who have the breakthrough we are looking for.

Our brokenness can divide us or unite us. 

The truth is, we have more in common than we think.

We all have stuff.

Marriage isn’t for the perfect.  I think sometimes we think that when we finally fix ourselves enough our reward will be marriage. The truth is, we all need Jesus. We are all going on a journey. There is so much to learn from our healthy married friends, but they are also going through their process. We can encourage, inspire, and bless them too.

We are all learning to depend on Jesus. 

I have shared about this before in Confessions of the One. My biggest gripe about being single was usually about not having a “built in” person to do life with.  That person who is going to be there even in your ugly moments. Someone to dream with, someone to help you in your weak areas. It sounds nice doesn’t it? It might even sound mature. It’s not…it’s co dependent, and co dependency is just false intimacy. Single or married, the only person we can have Holy Dependence on is Jesus. 

People battle loneliness, not just singles.

I remember after I came back from being gone for a couple of months I wanted to spend some time with my friends.  These friends each had kids, so I joined them in going to the playground. We had such a sweet time of connection. One of the things we talked about was the loneliness we can find in every season of life. A single thinks they are alone because they are not legally bonded to someone. A newly married couple feels the loneliness of transition and not being sure where they fit. A new mom feels isolated with her new responsibilities. The stay at home mom is never alone, but craves the connection from other adults. Loneliness doesn’t have to be a part of any of our stories.

We all belong in family.

God designed us to be in family. As singles we can cultivate family with other singles, or families that we love. Married couples can create family. Family is about commitment. Family celebrates and mourns together. Family helps each other move, and visits newborns in the hospital. Family champions dreams. Not everyone in your biological family is in the same season of life. Not everyone in your “adopted” family needs to be in the same season of life either.

I would like to suggest that we need healthy married couples in our life.
When we get to spend time with healthy couples grows our anticipation and expectations. I was 15 the day my dad came home with an electric blue ’97 Chevrolet Beretta. It just a few short months it would be mine to drive. It sat in the driveway and sparkled and shined. Anticipation grew with each day. I wasn’t disappointed that I couldn’t drive it yet. I was excited for the day that I could drive it. I understood someday it would be mine. Being around married couples doesn’t have to make us jealous or bitter. Instead, we can allow healthy marriages inspire us for what is to come. 

*Read more about Disappointment